Oral sex mania pages - stats, facts, adult humor poking fun at human sexuality

Greetings and Welcome to OralSexMania! No, that's not a country from the former Yugoslavia, it's everything you ever need or wanted to know about oral sexual activities. We put this particular page together due to the hundreds of weekly hits in our almost fully developed search engine from both men and women inquiring about oral sex. So bodabing! We listen to our surfers, and this is the result! Fact and stats mixed in with humor so ya don't get bored to death! We are also the web's only totally free adult personals provider so if you're single, and on a low budget, you hit the jackpot! You don't need a budget here, and why never use spyware, pop ups or redirects. Have fun!

Cunnilingus & Fellatio: Highest quoted positions? There are literally infinite number of positions for any form of sexual activity. This means that there is no upper limit to the number of ways that, e.g. oral sex, can be performed. This rather liberal way of interpreting sexual postures leads to odd consequences. Legman, for instance, has suggested that there are 14,288,400 positions for cunnilingus alone! Is he sure that there are not 14,288,401? Personally, I've done it only 13,733,384 times or so.

Oral Related History, Information, Facts, Statistics and stoopid stuff:

Women were put on earth to serve man and his trusty penis device

First, it's vitally important to be able to:
Make a Perfect Blowjob - Drink a Perfect Blowjob

One Shot Glass (preferably "blown" glass" )
Layer Ingredients Accordingly (don't blow it):
1/2 oz Kahlua
1/2 oz Bailey's
1/2 oz Amaretto
Top with Whipped Cream
Suck Down Shooters with Friends

Main Entry: cun·ni·lin·gus
Pronunciation: "k&-ni-'li[ng]-g&s
Variant(s): also cun·ni·linc·tus /-'li[ng](k)-t&s/
Function: noun
Etymology: cunnilingus, New Latin, from Latin, one who licks the vulva, from cunnus vulva + lingere to lick; cunnilinctus, New Latin, from Latin cunnus + linctus, act of licking, from lingere -- : oral stimulation of the vulva or clitoris

Main Entry: fel·la·tio
Pronunciation: f&-'lA-shE-"O, fe-
Variant(s): also fel·la·tion /-'lA-sh&n/
Function: noun
Etymology: New Latin fellation-, fellatio, from Latin felare, fellare, literally, to suck ; oral stimulation of the penis.

daily oral sex trivia fact - During foreplay, a woman's breast size can increase up to 25 percent-another great reason, and or excuse for oral sex. Perhaps the greatest difference between men and women pleasure-wise is simply that most women do not have an orgasm from penetration, they prefer clitoral stimulation for orgasm and oral sex is #1 on their priority list. If you want to make her happy, you better make sure your tongue is in good wiggle waggle shape cuz' there's lots of competition out there.

First recorded instance of sodomy in China?
Sodomy is one of those ambiguous words. In American law, for instance, it can mean anything - from oral sex to anal intercourse. Generally sodomy is a synonym for homosexuality, implying the commonplace homosexual act of anal intercourse. The first recorded instance of sodomy in Chinese history, figuratively 2 described by the literati as "sharing the peach" occurred in the State of Wei. Thus Duke Ling committed sodomy with a young court official, Mi Tzu-hsia, who had a face "as pretty as that of a blooming maiden."

Blowjob pick up lines :

Yo Babyee, Wadup? Want to play army? I'll lay down and you can blow the hell outta me, aight?

(Look down at your crotch) Hi there - Well, It's not just going to suck itself. Fulfill your destiny!

Oral sex question and answer time:

Q. Why is it exactly, do men like blowjobs?
A. It's the only time they get something into a woman's head straight!

Q. What's the best thing about a blow job?
A. Five minutes of peace and quiet.

Q. What's the difference between Bill Clinton and JFK?
A. One got his head blown off and the other was assassinated.

The realities of performing oral sex as broken down by the opposite sexes!

The mighty sucking females of earth come forward and speak out as to the true feelings, fears, emotions, and complexities of performing oral sex.

First and foremost, we are not obligated to do it.
Extension to rule1 - So if you get one, be grateful.
I don't care WHAT they did in the porn video you saw; it is not standard practice to cum on someone's face.
Extension to rule 3 - No, I DON'T have to swallow.
My ears are NOT handles.
Extension to rule 5 - do not push on the top of my head. Do you really WANT puke on your dick?
I don't care HOW relaxed you get; it is NEVER OK to fart.
Having my period does not mean that it's "hummer week" - get it through your head - I'm bloated and I feel like shit so no, I don't feel particularly obligated to blow you just because YOU can't have sex right now.
Extension to 8 - "Blue Balls" might have worked on high school girls if you're that desperate, go jerk off and leave me alone with my Midol.
If I have to pause to remove a pubic hair from my teeth, don't tell me I've just "wrecked it" for you.
Leaving me in bed while you go play video games, smoke a cigarette, watch TV, etc...immediately afterwards is highly inadvisable if you would like my behavior to be repeated in the future.
If you like how we do it, it's probably best not to speculate about the origins of our talent. Just enjoy the moment and be happy that we're good at it. See also rule 2 about gratitude.
No, it doesn't particularly taste good. And I don't care about the protein content.
No, I will NOT do it while you watch TV, smoke a cigarette, drink, etc...
When you hear your friends complain about how they don't get blowjobs often enough, keep your mouth shut. It is inappropriate to either sympathize or brag.
Just because "it's awake" when you get up does not mean I have to kissit good morning".

The mighty dominate rulers of the planet retaliate

First of all, yes you are obligated to do it. If you don't, we will find someone (younger, prettier, and dirtier) who will.
Second, swallowing a teaspoon full of cream is a hell of a lot easier than licking a dead fish
You want to talk about farting? Does the word "queef" mean anything to you?
I will use your ears as I see fit. Don't worry about it and be thankful I'm not pulling your hair.
If you ever tell me what to say and not to say to my friends again, you won't have to worry about getting those little hairs stuck in your teeth...because you won't have any.
Maybe if you brushed your teeth and got the dick off your breath we would stick around afterward.
When you're on your period, stuffing something in your mouth is the only way to stop you from bitching and moaning.
Speaking of which, if you are bleeding for five straight days, you need all the fluids you can get, trust me.
You bitch about the taste, but trust me when I tell you that we get the shit end of the stick in flavor country.
At least there is no danger of a dick bleeding in your mouth
Play with the balls, nuture the balls, LOVE - the balls
No matter how good you think you are at it, we've had better.
Blowjobs are the only reason we spend time with you instead of our friends, take that away and you are, literally, useless.
Caress the ass, too, we like that.
Make hay when the sun shines. it's "wide awake" in the morning now, but when you get old & fat (and you will) and looking for some action, gah-ron-tee it'll be "sound asleep".
If you swallow, then you won't have to worry about getting any on your face, now will you?

Leave the thinking to us, okay girls?

We wish to find this young lady for topical discussion

The Little Old Man and his Blow Job

This dude goes to hell and is met by the devil, who explains that the punishments are changed every thousand years and he is to select his first punishment.

First room has a young guy on the wall being whipped. The new guy not keen on this asks to see the next room.

The next room has a middle aged guy being tortured with fire. The new guy immediately asks to see the third room.

It has a really old guy chained to the wall getting a blow job from a gorgeous blonde. The guy jumps at the change and takes the room. The devil walks into the room taps the blonde on the shoulder and says "okay, stop now, you've been relieved".

Best Oral BJ BlowJob Story

One day a man went on a business trip to Florida.

He had saw this hooker and he asked "How much for a hand job?"

The hooker replied "100 Bucks"

The man said "100 Bucks, That's a lot of got damn money"

So the hooker pulled him to the side and said "See that Mercedes, I paid for that by giving hand jobs."

So he gave her the money and received the best hand he had ever had.

The next day he sees her and asks "How much for a head job?"

She said "200 dollars"

"200 dollars that's a lot of money"

She pulled him to the side and said "You see that yacht by the pier, I paid for that big fucking boat by giving blow jobs."

So he gives her the money, and get the best head of his life

On his last day in Florida he returns to the hooker and says "The hand job was good, the blow job was outstanding, How much for the whole package."

"1000 dollars'

"1000 dollars that's a lot of god damn money"

So she pulled him to side and said "You see that island, I could afford that if I only had a pussy."

Cunnilingus & Fellatio: Historical Royal Example There is no reason to suppose that royal personages do not enjoy their sex the same as the rest of us. Apart from the occasional scandal, however, we know very little of the sexual predilections of reigning monarchs: sometimes, after the event, some information leaks out. There is one nice case on record - of royal oral sex. The T'ang Dynasty Empress Wu Hu evidently a keen feminist, designed a sexual custom aimed at elevating the female and humbling the male. To her fellatio represented supposed masculine supremacy: so she devised a means whereby "licking of the lotus stamen" could be exalted into prime extra coital importance and thus symbolise the advent of feminine domination. Wu Hu insisted that all governmental officials and visiting dignitaries pay homage to her Imperial Highness by performing cunnilingus upon her. Thus old paintings depict the empress holding her robe open while a dignitary kneels before her to lick her genitals (A. Edwardes & R. E. L. Masters, "The Cradle of Erotica").

When Potentail Normal Oral Sex Turns to a "Blow It"

This boy takes his girlfriend back to her home after being out together, and when they reach the front door he leans with one hand on the wall and says to her, "Sweetie, why don't you give me a blowjob?" "What? You're crazy?!"

"Don't worry, it will be quick, no problem."

"No! Someone may see; a relative, a neighbor..."

"At this time of the night no one will show up."

"I've already said NO, and NO!"

"Honey, it's just a small blowjob...I know you'll like it too."

"NO! I've said NO!"

"Baby...don't be like that."

At this moment the younger sister shows up at the door in her nightgown with hair a mess, rubbing her eyes and says: "Dad says either you blow him, I blow him, or he'll come down and blow the guy himself, but for God's sake tell your boyfriend to take his hand off the intercom."

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There are many ingredients of sex appeal. Some of them are beyond your control, in the mind and chemistry of your prospective mate.

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Perhaps the greatest difference between men and women pleasure-wise is simply that most women do not have an orgasm from penetration, they prefer clitoral stimulation for orgasm and oral sex is #1 on their priority list. If you want to make her happy, you better make sure your tongue is in good shape.

Unrelated Sex Trivia, Facts and Amazing other junk

Women are more creative auto-eroticists, and masturbate most frequently when in a stable relationship. Women are also better self-starters, with 60 percent claiming to have discovered orgasm on their own, compared to only 25 percent of men.
In 1609, a doctor named Wecker found a corpse in Bologna with two penises. There have been 80 documented cases since. We're not sure if having two penises is a good thing or simply a nuisance. Two cases of blue balls? Not fun. Being able to double penetrate a woman without having to involve another man? Priceless.
In Hong Kong, a betrayed wife may legally kill her husband, but only with her bare hands. However, the husband's lover may be killed in any manner desired. We've come a long way baby, but until women can use hatchets, chainsaws and ice picks like any good Hong Kong man, we haven't come far enough!
The maximum depth at which vaginal stimulation occurs is only two inches, proving it is width and not length that actually matters.
In the 1950s it was found that 75 percent of men ejaculate within two minutes of penetration, with the orgasm lasting only a few seconds. The longest documented orgasm for a woman is one minute. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
The maximum speed at which erotic sensations travel from the skin to the brain has been clocked at 156 mph. This explains the loss of reasoning that occurs during a really good back massage.
A medical study conducted in Pennsylvania showed that people who have sex once or twice a week have their immune systems boosted slightly. So go ahead, do your part and fight the common cold!
The Geisha of Japan would not perform fellatio because it was considered demeaning for the cultured to do so. So naturally, they chose the other "f"-footbinding.
Male bats have the highest rate of homosexuality of any mammal. Thus, Tom Cruise playing Lestat in Interview With the Vampire.
Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure. You don't believe us?
Seventy percent of Americans make love for 15 minutes to one hour.
Most men's erections are five-and-a-half to six inches long. Although men's penis sizes tend to vary greatly when they're soft, the smaller ones expand more when erect than the larger ones.
Rates for male sterilization have dropped slightly over the years, while rates of female sterilization have gone up.
Forty-two percent of American women usually have orgasm during sex with their primary partner, 29 percent always have orgasms during sex, 25 percent sometimes or rarely have orgasms, and four percent are not orgasmic at all.
At any one time, one in four people are daydreaming about sex.
The average woman has sex three times a week.
Ninety percent of men want to have children.
The record for male orgasms is 16 in one hour.
The average male member in all its glory is six inches long and five inches in circumference.
In ancient Greece, young aristocratic women were deflowered by having her hymen pierced by a stone penis before marrying.
J. Edgar Hoover, Oscar Wilde, Chief Crazy Horse, Pope Paul II and Pope Julius III, Leonard Bernstein, Alexander the Great, Sigmund Freud, Lawrence of Arabia, Plato, Peter Tchaikovsky and Florence Nightingale were all gay or bi.
The least expensive prostitutes in the world are the Petrapole people, who live on the border of Bangladesh. They charge as little as 10 rupees, which is the equivalent of $0.28.
The earliest breast implants were done in the 1940s by Japanese prostitutes hoping to entice the American GI's. They injected their breasts with liquid silicon.

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